Judgement day – here I come but who said we were to be judged at all?! Who made that statement that we are all subjects to a higher power that will judge our deeds and send us to heaven or hell?!?
Okay so how many times have you heard this? How many times since ever since, can you remember feeling so afraid that you would be caught out because mama or papa or teacher said good children that will be loved by God never answer back, never swear and never disrespect their elders. How many times was your behaviour classified into hood bad or other terms such as naughty obscene malicious and more?
Now, how many times have you noticed something and immediately labelled it without naming what it actually is or what brought that label to mind? This morning my son insisted on wearing my hair band; I watched myself when the words, “boys don’t wear hair bands” came out. I immediately retracted this statement. I said instead, “ah you managed to get mama’s hairband around your head”, because that is begat happened. The extra information is a view, opinion, judgement, that an infant whose brain is still being developed certainly can do without.
A few bath times ago, we took a salt bath together and he decided to touch his “peepee” (that’s what we call his penis) and was just asking me to name it so I said “peepee”. I know from studies and other people, that when a child as much as touches their privates this is labelled as “we don’t do that”. When we interrupt the infants own exploration of their own body and their environment by interjections that serve to sway their experience in the direction of our own convictions beliefs and limitations, we are instilling “judgement”.
These little seeds have far reaching effects on how our brains are formed. We will echo a life of what was planted in us. Did you pray before you left the house today? Did you apply holy ash before siting an exam? Did you fart in public? Okay so your answers are self evident. These act as barriers within us for any real self awareness to come. You will need to identify and do some momentous pruning of any such hardware installed in your psyche.
So you know all this. Why then are we still continuing the same pattern with our children? Simple reason is brain wiring. Our limbic system will have a store of how things were and should be. This is where we get our emotional know how from.
The actual labels or judgment will not have made that much an impact as the,
emotion
intention
frequency
with which this was conveyed and then adapted by the brain. When a mama admonishes her child, the child will build a map about the mamas temperament and what sets her off. Depending on his age, instead of understanding why mama did this he will read “I am bad so I caused mama to be like this”. What an atrocity right? If that continues to happen the brain will have a mapping that will take the child to adult life and carry those paradigms. These are so innate implicit and ingrained they are hardly noticeable to you unless you carry a mirror and really look.
If you have been at the hands of anything terrifying upsetting and traumatising, you will need limbic regulation.
Our whole life in essence amounts to this.
“Limbic Regulation.”
There are myriads of healing modalities, recovery systems, therapies and even psychotherapists, that will all have their own models to assist in this. Some of these may including releasing a judgment of you. And giving it back to where it came from.
Now, here is what I say. It doesn’t actually matter who did what or what you release. What is paramount here is finding a force so big that will relax your limbic system so that you come out of a hyper vigilant state. One can be in these even not knowing this. For example you might keep a lot of secrets always so worried they might be found out; you might go to confessions all of the time; you might carry a lot of guilt; you might be a super achiever. Well it could be anything really. You could look totally balanced but something lurks underneath.
Ultimately our awareness itself is the healer.
For now though, taking yourself away from a source of trauma, abuse, judgement and discomfort all serve to regulate our limbic system. It actually doesn’t matter what happened in so far as any accuracy or even real happening goes BUT your story as you know must be heard to “tame” your fight flight system and maintain that state. To maintain the state of calm and tame, you might need to continue with the practices that regulate your limbic system.
No awakening is complete without the rewriting of your story and rewiring of the brain. Until this happens, any yoga class meditation or parenting tips only help superficially. And anything that is surface level will again need to be worked off as additional armour making it more difficult and strenuous to access the “why” you need that help in the first place.
It is very easy for us to get carried away with any form of regulation as being “the way” for us, and the arrival port where you have met YOU. You will know when you have arrived when your limbic brain rewires itself so much so that you don’t require regulation outside of you.
Releasing judgment is a step towards that but real freedom will arrive once your awareness takes you into the core of why your brain had to set the threshold for fear so low such that you simply cannot relax or remain still.
Do you jump to conclusions in everyday life?